The Darkness of Memory

How much has this isolation rearranged my life? How much has this exile changed me?! How much have I thought about and about people I’ve never thought about before?! I think today: Why didn’t I seriously seek to solve my life’s problems and the residue of my past when I was truly capable of changing something? Why didn’t I take life more seriously when everything within me was awake, sound, and alive? Why did I wait until I was captive to this near-death state to confront and be honest with myself? Why did I flee, in my waking life, from everything that was dragging me to that house and that place without putting an end to that memory or coming to terms with it? Today, I want to wake up, for God to rescue me from this darkness, for Him to send me the light of awakening once again, so that I can live a life unlike the one I lived before darkness and forgetfulness overtook me.