When My Mother’s Memory Falters

Description

Since her illness, my mother has become a frail, small creature with a faltering memory. She calls out to family members who died long ago, speaks to them, and is surprised that her own mother doesn’t visit her. She praises her younger brother because, as she says, he brings her gifts.

My mother retreats into my childhood, her memory receding outside of time, living detached from reality. Every fifteen minutes, she asks me, “How many children do I have?” And every time, I give her the same answer. This infuriates her maid, Kulthum, who says she can no longer bear to hear the same question and the same answer.

My mother is afraid of Kulthum, a woman whose eyes betray malicious intentions. She knows I am suspicious of her gaze, so she lowers her head when she speaks to me and humbles herself when she greets me. I pretend not to notice her scheming. I see the fear in my mother’s eyes, the fear that Kulthum will abandon her when they’re alone together at home. When she’s lucid, my mother tells me, “I’m not stupid. Kulthum thinks I’m a little girl who scolds and threatens me, but I know that my continued medication makes me believe she’s malicious. On the contrary, she’s kind. It’s just that devoting all her time to caring for me is starting to bother and tire her. So, I have no choice but to ignore many of her reactions…”